A gentle reminder…..

I’ve been struggling. A smile on my face and a bounce in my step are like my protection against facing my own true feelings. However, like the healthy leaves they are to me, they are wilting. Struggling to hold even their own weight in the absence of adequate nutrition and sunshine, let alone my own too.

Why?

I feel like all the ones I love and care about are having a real tough time and there is nothing I can do to ease their pain.

My dear little girl Chip dog has also been very poorly. After recovering from a nasty infection from the poison of a blackthorn her back gave way. Everything in spasm. And with lots of cocktails of medication and trips to the vets, everyday I have faced the very real possibility that it may be her last.

I feel so drained emotionally and have just got home from yet another trip to the vets. After acupuncture really helping her last night, she cut her side this evening needing 11 staples. She is so strong and so brave.

After plodding up the stairs like they were the rocks of Everest I ran a bath and finally got the chance to read my messages.

That’s when it happened……..

I had a message from a lovely lady friend of mine. It was a video.

A video of an Orange!

I thought Aaaahhhhhh oranges! And took my mind to the citrusy land.

There were hands cutting into the orange.

Hmmm, salivating at the thought of that juicy goodness bursting out….

After lots of cutting and me almost slightly deliriously dreaming of oranges; something amazing happened.

The hands peeled the orange and placed the skin flat on the table…….

It was a unicorn!!!!

Like the snap of a hypnotists fingers I was back in the room…… and smiling!!!

I looked at Grace…….and I remembered. We are all given life……and we can do with it as we wish.

We can choose to ignore it’s potential and let it turn fuzzy and green and mushy and wilty like my leaves of armour.

Or……

We can shape it and mould it into something beautiful. And actually my citrus skin unicorn is made up of:

• My hospital bed went back this week.
• I am back at uni.
• I have amazing friends and family.
• I have so far maintained my weight.
• I jumped my horse Spirit for the first time in 18 months at the weekend.
• Me and Ash are tentatively started the search for our own nest.
• And Chippy dog is still here!

Thank you oranges and Grace.

Sometimes we just need a gentle orange reminder of what our skin is all about.

In with a bang!

Oh my gosh. What a start to 2018!! As some of you will know my year always starts with becoming a year older as I gave my parents the ultimate gift to start the 90s with a bang (or a push!) by blessing them with my birth! Any of you that’s good at maths will have worked out that now makes me 28. I never really worried about my age before……. but 28 is very close to 30!! I feel like I’m going to have a midlife crisis because that’s what people do at 30. But then I feel all panicky that I’ve missed my opportunity to go through this essential midlife phenomenon because I probably passed my “midlife” a long time ago! 

Anyway, besides my minor midlife flapping, 2018 has kicked off not too shabby. It has always been a tradition to go out for a family meal on my birthday. The last 2 years this hasn’t been possible due to my health. This year I wanted to make the most of possible my last birthday without a J-PEG! (A hole into my jejunum that I can connect my special feed through like a drip) dinner would be unrealistic so we decided on lunch! My lovely grandad and auntie if made the occasion! We decided on a lovely Italian as there was lots of gluten free vegetarian choice….. I even managed a few spoonfuls of dessert! It felt fantastic!

The following days were up and down with a touch of the virus going around and a lot of fatigue. But fast forward to Monday of this week and I had my first day back at university! I think it’s safe to say that after 5 hours at uni and taking me nearly 3 days to recover ; this is going to be tough!!! 

The positives:

• I am currently device free
• My blood tests have gone down to once a month
• I have returned to uni
• I have managed to maintain my weight
• The shortest day is behind us
• Blue Monday can kiss our sweet ass’
• Unicorns are life!!!!

Keep smiling you beautiful people…… it’s not too long until payday 😘❤

Have a holly, jolly Christmas

Firstly I need to apologise for the long overdue blog! However I do have a good reason to explain my absentness. . . . . . . . I have been on holiday!

That’s right! I got the ok from the hospital to go on a last minute break so me and Amazing Ash went and stayed in Ash Lodge (it was obviously meant to be!) on a farm in the middle of nowhere in the heart of Somerset.

It was just perfect. Me and Ash have barely spent any time together this year and we really needed to get that feeling of escaping it all. Of course we didn’t because Shakey McShakeFace, Naff Off Nausea and Parasitic Pain tagged along didn’t they! So last Saturday 16th December Ash and I packed up our things (including a suitcase just for my medication) and the 2 dogs and disappeared to spend the week with cows, sheep, chickens and horses. It was so remote that there was no Wi-Fi and very patchy signal . . . . . .bliss!

The weather even came out to see us whilst we were there and we saw the most beautiful sunset overlooking the farm. One day I even managed a little walk on the beach!

We spent a day at Dunster Castle which was just beautiful. When we arrived after spending the best part of what felt like the entire morning just trying to get out of the car, we had a welcome surprise. See, I have now developed sciatica which can lead me to develop an usual gait after sitting in one position for too long, e.g the car. My lovely rescue greyhound Chip is getting to be quite an old lady at 11 years old with 2 slipped discs in her so I bought her a ramp for the car which she is still getting used to getting in and out of Ash’s Landy. This resulted in poor Ash trying to round up his excitable spaniel Willow, creaky old Chip and a girlfriend with the grace of a seal as well as his camera bag, my day bag, blanket and William the Wheelchair. We eventually made our way to the entrance to be offered a Tramper for the day! Now for those of you that don’t know what a Tramper is (neither did I) it is like a pimped up mobility scooter for off roading!!!!!

It was brilliant!!! We had a fantastic day and after struggling to climb some of the hills, Ash was pleased he wasn’t trying to push me and William with all our bags whilst controlling 2 dogs!

After lots of rest and movie days we were feeling very much at home, but there was one thing I wanted to do before we left . . . . .

Ride with Ash.

On our last day we went for an hours walk across the marshes with the owners and their 4 golden retrievers. I could finally show Ash why I rave so much about how I miss being out on Spirit as we felt the freedom of being carried effortlessly through the countryside. We even saw views of Cardiff and Barry Island!

It was all over too quickly and although my pesky crew of ailments joined us without invites and they did dictate parts of the holiday I felt that this was a massive achievement. It’s scary being away from the safety of being tucked up in my hospital bed at home with Mumma L the carer and being so far from my local hospital. I didn’t even know where the nearest hospital was! This was a big step after being confined for so long and I feel more confident and liberated.

Ash is the most amazing man I could ever wish to be in my life and looking at him on Mouse (his trusty stead for the morning) I couldn’t help but see my knight in shining armour. My rock. My confidante. My voice of reason. My best friend. I would run a million miles from this disease given half the chance, yet Ash has chosen for hospitals, needles, an almost non-existent social life and disability to be a part of his life as the sacrifice to be my boyfriend. And for that I will always be eternally grateful and in awe of his resilience and ability to stay calm. He is my inspiration and writing this now, with tears rolling down my cheeks, I feel as if my heart is going to burst as it aches to be with him again. I am rubbish at telling him how amazing he is and I know he will hate me when he reads this! No doubt he will have pleasure if finding a way to make things even!

Although when we arrived home after a week to find I had 3 letters from the hospital with 2 more appointments coming up, when I think back to Ash Lodge with Ash I feel that brief feeling of freedom and tranquillity. Oranges

 

An important announcement

Gosh the last few days have flown by! So I will get you up to speed.

On Tuesday morning it was all systems go despite arriving home late Monday night. The district nurse came round to take my bloods and then some workman came round to check the metre as they were working on the power lines so we would be without electricity. It’s that just typical on a cold dark winters day and being physically and mentally drained when you just want to curl up and have a duvet day, that is the day when there is no power! 

Anyway there wasn’t much time to tax as the afternoon consisted of travelling to my local hospital to meet with my stomach surgeon, pain consultant and specialist dietician. To say the meeting was a little tense is an understatement! All 3 had different views and opinions on what course of treatment would be in my best interests. What about what I want?? 

After an hour of discussions it was decided that I need to make a desicion on whether I want to have another feeding tube put back in or have an operation to put a hole into my intestine and put feed through that which is called a PEG-J. Each one has they’re pros and cons and to be perfectly Frank the future terrifies me.

But…….. this also happened at the end of the consultation!!! 

Ok so I wasn’t “ready” to part ways with Norman according to the professionals but due to the fact that Norman had cause a pressure ulcer in my septum which was weeping and Norman was becoming unreliable in accepting feed, they had no choice but to separate us and I couldn’t be happier. I am thankful to him for saving my life but I had become fatigued with his constant presence that attracted stares and whispers everytime I went out in public. It was a mixed emotion when we separated. I was so excited but whilst the nurse was pulling all 1 and a half metres of him out, rubbing against that pressure ulcer all the way and bringing a constant flow of bile up with him, I couldn’t help but wish it wasn’t happening. But then he was out! He had turned a deep shade of brown due to sitting in acid for over 5 months!!! My nose is finally starting to feel better. For those of you that have never had the pleasure of experiencing the aroma of an ulcer (not the ones in your mouth!) It is awful! Its a pungent smell of musty, rotting flesh. Having that smell sitting in my nose was not pleasent! 

The following day me and Mumma L celebrated by having a little wonder around the magical winter wonderland at Perrywoods garden centre.

Unfortunately I have had to go back on my beta blockers as in the few days I was off it my heart began to struggle again and had a resting rate of 120 which would explain the chest pain! I also need to work hard with drinking my prescribed supplement drinks as it will provide me with essential fat, protein and calories packed into small portions. They are like drinking thick slimy tar with flavours that are . . . . . Not what they say on the bottle! But I’m going to give it my all. 

All in all this week has been another rollercoaster of emotions but I get a lovely surprise everytime I look in the mirror to see my face as a free non-tube feeding woman! It will take some getting used to but I have a feeling it’s going to be something that I will enjoy 😊

Quick update…..

After 3 days in Barts me and Grace are shattered! It has been non stop since we arrived. Blood tests, drips, with holding steroids (which makes you feel like death warmed up!), periods of fasting, periods of laying flat/sitting up, scans, physiotherapy and endless questions.

So far my BP has dropped to 72/38, blood sugar to 2.6 and veins have been misbehaving. 

But…….

We have met:

• Endocrine team
• A team of 5 dieticians (from consultants to nurses)
• Physiotherapists 
• Specialist nurses
• Radiographers

All have which have been super thorough, thoughtful and have smiles on their faces. They have made us feel at ease and at home despite being absolutely petrified. They have spent hours with us picking my body apart from the highest strand of hair on my head all the way down to my little toe! I think this is the first spare hour I’ve had since we arrived on Monday! 

There have been many times where I have been thinking oranges and no doubt there’s more to come as the current plan involves:

• More blood tests
• Scans
• ?endoscopy + colonoscopy
• ENT consultants
• Pain team
• Cardiology team
• More physiotherapy 

And we have to stay until at least Monday! 

Although I am exhausted and frightened this places is full of the oranges I need to be fresh and juicy and bouncing around.

Oranges. Oranges. Oranges.

Xxxx

Keep thinking about Oranges……

Well the day has arrived……..me and mumma L are on our way to Barts! We have a car full of stuff! There is a whole small suitcase (with wheels) just for my medication and feed for less than a week! I’m hoping that’s all I’ll need.

Since I got the call from Doc last week I have been plagued with nightmares and sweats giving Agro Anxiety a field day! 

Mumma L has been fantastic making sure all appointments were cancelled for this week and generally organizing……being ill is a full time job both for myself and Executive PA Mumma L!!

After all her hard work I thought it only fair to give her the weekend off for her to craft and see her friend. So that meant that Amazing Ash was on babysitting duty for me! We packed it full to the brim to try get my mind busy. So on Saturday he took me and Grace to Tropical Wings zoo! It was filled with the most amazing animals and the warmth of the greenhouse was all the more amazing with the silent flutter of butterflies in front of your face contrasting the noisy chirping of the birds up high. 

If it hadn’t of been so cold I could have watched the animals for hours.

Unfortunately being a Saturday there were a fair few children. Some of which spent more time staring at Norman the NJ than at the animals! 

Agro Anxiety would leap on these opportunities to make me feel like there’s a cube in my throat, however Grace would remind me that they are just children and 1) I would be just as fascinated by a grown woman in a wheelchair with a feeding tube and a unicorn! And 2) I’m setting an example. To not be embarrassed. To be proud of who we are no matter what we look like. To show that whatever limitations life may throw at you it doesn’t have to stop you having fun! 

Sunday was a Spirit day. We took him for a stroll in the cold afternoon November sun.

 

Ash was amazing as always and helped me pack as Agro Anxiety deciding to prevent my brain from functioning in a normal manner. Then it was time to say goodbye. Not just to Ash (he can’t visit during the week as it’s too late after work) but to Chip dog too! She is going to stay with Ash’s parents and her best friend Willow dog! 

I didn’t go to bed last night as Agro Anxiety wouldn’t let me. So I curled up on the sofa staring at the pictures on the TV. I managed to doze a couple of times before the sun began to rise trying to break through the heavy clouds that were releasing great big drops of water.

I received a lovely message and picture of Chop dog having a lay in…….she definitely wasnt crying about leaving me…… I was the only one doing the crying!

So I couldn’t resist the opportunity to pop and see Spirit. The air began to dry and we managed a quick walk round the farm before lots of scratches and cuddles. 

That leads me to now. In the car. On the A12.

Petrified

Oranges. Oranges. Oranges!!!!

A reason to be upset or an amazing opportunity?

After 3 days of Parasitic Pain plaguing my body I finally started to feel a bit better yesterday. This sense of cautious elation was quickly obliterated when my phone rang.

It was a doctor from St Bartholomew’s Hospital in London.

He stated that I needed to come in to be admitted. It will happen on Monday. That gives me 5 days before I feel like a lab rat.

Due to the very rare and complex nature of PAS not an awful lot is known about it. This was exacerbated by my severe weightloss leading to the events of the summer. There is also limited knowledge and literature on refeeding syndrome which was only discovered after World War 2 when Jews from concentration camps were released and began dying when they started eating again.

Although the main crippling symptoms of refeeding syndrome have thankfully seized, my bloods are still unstable which could be indicative of a malabsorption problem. The combination of this has left any poor healthcare professional that crosses my path scratching their head. I knew my Professor wanted to carry out some more investigations but I put that to the back of my mind and carried on pottering around and attending my local hospital and doctors appointments.

My best friend

Now it is time to face it. What is “it”? Well, I am unsure as to what “it” is. The doctor on the phone was lovely and kind and reassuring but he could not tell me what tests they were planning to carry out or how long I would be staying for. I know my Professor wants biopsies from various parts of my digestive system as he stated this from my last visit with him, but other than that I am in the dark. The doctor on the phone just stated that I should “bring at least a few days worth of clothes and medication and we will go from there” and “Monday you can eat and drink because it will just be a settling in day”. A “settling in day”???? I’m not moving house! I understand that results of some tests will determine the need for further tests which cannot be predicted but the thought terrifies me. I don’t want to go through the pain, anxiety and loss of control that hospital brings. Especially so far away. that is without all of the worry as to what they may or may not find!

Of course Grace the unicorn will be with me. And she asked me to see this in a different light………

Time to smile

 

I am under the lead endocrine Professor who is also the clinical advisor for ADSHG who set the UK National guidelines regarding Addison’s Disease. I am going onto a tiny specialist unit where people with rare complex endocrine disorders come from all over Europe. This bed alone will be costing a gulp inducing amount per night, and not only am I going in on the first day to “settle in” and be prepped on a loose plan for my stay, but I am receiving all of this world class treatment for FREE!! This is thanks to the amazing NHS. There is no way I could receive this level of care without the NHS and in all honesty I would not be here.

So I am seeing this as an amazing opportunity and I feel extremely lucky and privileged to be in the position that I am. It doesn’t stop the butterflies and tears everytime I think about next week as I don’t think hospital tests get any easier nor do you “get used to it”. You just learn how to keep Agro Anxiety hidden from view. I am not strong or brave as I did not choose to be born with PAS. I am terrified. I want to run away and hide. But life is like a game of poker and I have my poker face on. I am merely playing the cards I was dealt. I may not have the best hand but I will put on my best poker face. Anyway, this is the perfect chance to practise my CBT………. I’m not going into hospital………I’m going to oranges! Now that doesn’t sound so scary!

So between now and Monday me and Grace will focus on having as much fun as Ppain and Ffatuge allow me to before we face the oranges!

My dog Chip . . . .I’m going to play it as cool as her

‘Tiss the season to be jolly……

Yesterday morning started with a message from my GP to say that I need to have an urgent blood test as my weekly test from Tuesday had come back deranged. I was disheartened as last week’s came back “normal” and I need to have 6 consecutive weeks of these “normal” parameters before I can have them reduced to once a month. So after only 2 isolated “normal” results out of a possible 18 I was feeling a little deflated. Although it did offer me an explanation as to why I was feeling so grotty with Foe Fatigue, Parasitic Pain and Shakey McShake face hanging round me like a bad smell.

So I grotted around the house in my PJs, festering in my drearisome mood, leaking that foul odour. That night I was supposed to be going to a Christmas event at the garden centre where my dear friend Amy works and good old Ash said he would work an early shift so he could finish early, pick the lovely Jackie up, come and get me and then drive the 30 minutes there. Looks like PAS was going to ruin more plans. Well, it was a cold day. I wasn’t feeling the Christmas vibe. Maybe a night in on the sofa would be ok?

NO!!!!!!!!!! I had been looking forward to this for weeks! We all had a plan worked out……..PAS was not going to win this time!!!!!! Anyway, it will be Grace’s first Christmas……..I can’t be a scrooge!

So I climbed Mount Staircase so Bubblymazeballs Bath could envelope me in warm soapy, smell obliterating suds. At least it would keep the troublesome threesome (Ppain, Ffatigue and SMcFace) away for the meantime. I pulled on some clothes, powdered my face and forced a brush through my hair whilst Grace sat there and watched because she is always perfect because that’s just how unicorns are!

The doorbell went and before we knew it we were in a magical winter wonderland. Our eyes were wide, jaws open as we looked around taking in all the beautiful trees and gifts and goodies all covered in a stunning array of silver glitter. Then we were like excited children on blue smarties as we spotted something, dashed over to show eachother before abandoning it for the next magical item we saw. Grace was in awe.

There was so much to see but everyone’s bellies were getting cross with hunger. So we headed over to fill ourselves with the glorious warming food on offer. I even managed a few chips which Norman didn’t mind.

Then we strolled back out all be it slightly slower than before; a sure sign of contented gorging (even though I had William the Wheelchair to help carry me round). There was a band playing Christmas hymns, mulled wine, roasted chestnuts, lucky dips, gin and beer tasting, local produce and twinkling lights all amongst a magical forest.

Then we stumbled across Santa!!!! Grace could hardly contain herself and leapt towards him offering her hoof before I had barely had a chance to introduce her! Santa was lovely and we even got a cuddle and a kiss before he let us into his grotto! So we crept in with Santa’s musty beard still strong in our noses to find a pathway through Narnia at Christmas!

There were even 4 beautiful Queens ……..

Soon the night had to come to an end. We kissed Amy goodbye and travelled back in the car the only way we could……….blasting out a Christmas playlist! I can quite confidently say that the festive season has begun and despite the trials and tribulations of this year……. ’tiss the season to be Jolly.

Thank you. Sharing is caring so share the fabulous festive feeling xxx

The mind plays tricks so smile to trick the mind.

Ok this week has been a bit of a struggle with hospital/doctors appointments everyday this week apart from Friday. I was also extremely fatigued due to by B12 injection being die which I wincingly but gratefully received on Thursday. I also had my first proper CBT session after it was out on hold when I was admitted back in June. It was positive and I felt good and excited to start my homework. Friday also arrived and I felt excited about brother Chris coming to visit and Ash bought me a beautiful unicorn surprise! He is called Black and he is “the brave one” and he joins my previous unicorn called Mia “the calm one”. Two very appropriate companions to help guide me I feel! 

However, the feeling of relief at having survived the week was short lived when my dream unicorn bubble was burst that Friday evening. 

Let me introduce you to Agro Anxiety; a dear accquantaince that has followed me like a shadow for most of my life. He has been becoming an increasingly demanding part of my life over the last month.

On Friday night, when I should have been enjoying having my nails painted with a remembrance theme by my long suffering, doting boyfriend, instead our little party was gate crashed by Agro Anxiety. I felt him creeping up on me……. then he tapped me on the shoulder. Instead of ignoring him I made the mistake of giving him my attention and turned round to look at him. 

Bam!

Without warning he consumed my whole body. All of my senses. 

I was no longer in the safety of my humble abode in the month of November. I was back there. It was June. I was laying in that bed. In “hotel” hospital. The pprofessionals working hard on my body to bring me back. I could hear their vioces; quick and firm, with a panicked undertone attempted to be masked with a calm exterior. As they worked I was trying to say to them “I am here, don’t let me slip away”. Only I was was slipping further and further back. I was trying to shout but no words were coming out, I was desperately trying to cling on to life but I was slipping like my hands were covered in butter. 

Eventually I heard Ash and my parents and my eyes snapped open. I was back I had made it. However none of that was true. It was only a flashback. “Only” a flashback. When I thought no one could hear me and I couldn’t grab onto anything in reality I was screaming so loud my voice was scratchy and I was gripping so hard onto my bad that my knuckles were white. Then when I tried to explain to my fear filled family what had happened Agro Anxiety pulled me back. Once again it passed and I came back to reality. I was shivering yet sweating. I was petrified. I eventually managed to explain to my family but I cried for hours. I was finally calm enough for everyone to leave me and retreat to bed about 3am. However I was too scared to close my eyes. Instead a cuddled up to Grace on the sofa and watched a film. 

Yesterday we all felt rough. Yet Ash came over and we had a quiet day on the sofa with brother Chris. Ash kept me safe wrapped in his arms. I finally started to feel better in the evening and thankfully had a deep much needed sleep last night. 

Part of my CBT session was about acting the way you want to. Like acting calm and happy when inside you could be anxious and down. Eventually you see that this new behaviour becomes habit and true. So this is what I will do. I started off this morning messing around being my goofy self and ended up laughing not only on the outside but on the inside too! 
I was very indecisive about opening up about this. Why? Because I feel embarrassed and ashamed. Ebarassed that I had lost control, ashamed about the fear I installed on my family.

So why did I decide to post this? Because I want to help break this stigma of mental health. It can happen to anyone. I want people who have been through flashbacks or anxiety to feel proud of who they are. Mental health does not define what kind of person you are. I want people to feel empowered by the fact they carry on despite whatever inner demons they may be fighting. 

We can all feel the bad but we can also look for the good. I still consider myself lucky and that is what makes me smile. If you physically smile you can trick yourself into smiling for real. Try it! Ending this blog I am smiling for real…….. the sun is shining and I’ve been juiced up with B12 so parasitic pain should back off with the fatigue soon!!! I hope they take Agro Anxiety with them too! 

Thank you for reading. Sharing is caring xxx

How could you not laugh for real at this??

What a wonderful weekend!

Where to start?? 

Saturday was full of giddy anticipation for the night ahead. Me Ash and Grace were busy doing some last minute shopping in town and before we knew it, it was time to get changed into warm clothes to fight the November elements. As Willow (Ash’s dog) was coming with her humans, Chip needed help to get dressed too in her beautiful bandana and her posh polo collar. 

Then the door bell rang and the night begun! My friends and Ash’s parents walked through the door bringing with them the anticipation of the brilliance of bonfire night.

But first it was time to feed our bellies and what better way to prepare for the crisp November night than with a warming chilli and jacket potatoes? Well, chilli is still a little rich for me but I still enjoyed the comfort of picking at a steaming spud. Dessert was a strange one, following on with the Mexican theme Mumma L made deep fried ice cream. Now I envisaged crispy balls filled with melty ice cream. However, Mumma L produced a giant ice cream slab! It was huge but it did taste delicious as we tucked in around the fire.

Now it was time for the thing we had all been so patiently waiting for…….fireworks!!! 

There was all the quiet jittery chatting as we waited for Daddy L to get the surprise filled cardboard box lit. Then as soon as we saw the torch flying around with Daddy L running running towards us we all screamed “ruuuuuunnnnn” followed by the “oooooooo” and “aaaaahhhhhh” that are compulsory firework appreciation noises. This cycle repeated with each box producing a variety of colours, shapes, noises and explosions. 

Everyone knows you can’t have fireworks without the sparkles! So we danced around making shapes, spelling our names and pretending to be wizards before it was time to head inside to the warm and drink some hot spiced apple juice.

Sunday followed with just as much fun. Ash took me to see my gorgeous Spirit and we went for a walk round the farm in the glorious sunshine. Then we headed home to start cooking! Having such a restricted diet proves difficult to find yummy things that are gluten free and don’t attract Naffoff Nausea so I decided to try making my own. With the help of Ash’s muscles,  Graces guidence and the rents’ taste buds! We made pumpkin (my own of course) and ricotta ravioli with a spicy arrabata sauce and sundried tomato, rosemary and Himalayan rock salt foccacia bread. The verdict? It was all amazing……you couldn’t even tell it was gluten free!! We did have a lot of trouble making the pasta as it was so delicate which resulted in odd irregular shapes but we decided we were showing our variety! The sauce was a slight disaster. As yummy as it was I made the mistake of adding about 20 times the amount of chilli flakes required! However Ash and Daddy L powered through it like real men! Lucky we had dessert to cool the gastroisestinal tract down with poached pears incased with chocolate puff pastry spirals. Although I only had a few mouthfulls of each it felt great to be eating the same as everyone else…….and it was great fun to make! Unfortunately in all the excitement we forgot to get pictures of the final product……only managed one of dessert. Guess that’s my excuse to make it again…….theres that ever existing silver lining 😊 happy bonfire weekend everyone xxxxxx