Today started off with a trip to my second home…….the hospital! Although it was a relatively routine appointment I felt Agro Anxieties presence breathing down my neck. This made it easier for Shakey McShake Face to take hold. Luckily I had the help of Mumma L and William the Wheelchair who were only too happy to oblige despite Mumma L passing comments about how I was now a “lump” to try and push. The cheek! Let’s see who will be pushing her around in a wheelchair when she’s old!
So we made it to The Pain Clinic and were called in bang on time. I wanted Mumma L by my side to help the sudden stammer that seems to appear when Agro Anxiety is around. We got comfortable in the room, me in a great big armchair, and we just get started when Mumma L decides to have a coughing fit. As her face gets redder and her ability to speak quickly diminishes she excuses herself using gestures that we can only assume mean she is going to get water and sit outside. Agro Anxiety loved this! My heart racing (despite the beta-blockers best efforts), my skin leaking water and my chest feeling tight, I almost held my breath at the next question. The guy was great and just carried on ignoring my wriggling around in that great big armchair. He stated how well I was doing and how once again the professionals had discussed how amazed they were that “I survived” and he felt “privileged to be a part of that team”. He went on to discuss how my occupational health was fitting into my life and that I am ready to move on to a more structured plan with him.
My occupational therapy has mostly consisted of riding Spirit round the farm (just plodding!), baking and learning how to crochet. I have thoroughly enjoyed these activities apart from crochet! This has caused me so much frustration. I started out with the naïve excitement that I would pick it up and in no time I would have a whole collection of crochet items. Mumma L printed me off a design that was labelled “beginners” and “Approx time: 1 hour”. About 17 hours later, 7 balls of wool and countless amount of stitches unpicked I had not produced a single thing! I was at a loss! I was even dreaming about crochet!
Later on in my session he explained that anxiety is like a bee. It produces something for us (bees provide us with the honey that provides us with a multitude of uses from porridge to leg ulcers and anxiety gives us a protective factor). However they both have the potential to cause us pain (bees have a bad ass sting whilst anxiety has the power to make you feel like death is immanent!). But they generally only do this when provoked, when left alone they are harmless. So he suggested that just by saying “I feel anxious” we start the process of that anxiety taking control due to the brain’s automatic response. If we say “I feel oranges” then we feel quite pleasant………..it actually worked!
There were more positives. I have the best BF Mumma (Ash’s mum) there is and she came to my rescue Sunday night! I felt terrible in that she spent her Sunday evening spending 4 hours trying to teach me how to crochet this seemingly impossible pattern and missed her beloved “Strictly”. She is more than brilliant! So I took home a mini version that she made to guide me and made a bigger version……..by bigger I mean the holes are so big they could make a mole envious. But I did it! So then I made another one………but I don’t like the wool! So I have ordered some more and will hope that all my acquired crochet knowledge doesn’t disappear whilst I eagerly wait for the delivery!