Can’t help but smile……it’s all worth it.

So, it was Saturday……. that means weigh in day!! I am always so eager to get to weigh in day and then when it finally arrives I get all jittery and don’t want to get on. What happens if I haven’t gained any weight despite taking in close to 3,000 calories a day? Or, what if I lose weight? Disaster!! So Mumma L brings the scales downstairs and I gingerly tip toe over with Flo (who is not quite so elegant!) and Mumma L holds out her arm for me to step onto the scales. It feels like an eternity waiting for those numbers to appear……….then……7 stone 1!!!!! I’m out of the 6s!!!!! That’s 44.9kg……total weight gain…….6.5kg!!!! (Or 1 stone 2 lbs for those of you that work in old school figures.) So this weekend started off just fabulous!


Isn’t he sweet?


Then Ash turns up with flowers and Thortons chocolates!!! Now I love the fact I can eat as many of those irresistible, tantalising chocolates filled with the most marvellous textured goodness as I like! So as not to vex PAS, I limit myself to a couple letting my taste buds absorb every ounce of those indulgent treats and hide the box. Out of sight, out of mind right? Well, the box lasted 2 days at least!


My beautiful boy with his handsome haircut


The next most amazing thing to happen was going to see my beautiful real life unicorn Spirit! He has had a haircut and looks absolutely spiffing! He stops eating and wickers and whinnies when he sees me and I instantly feel like I could burst with unconditional love. Me and William the Wheelchair are escorted into his stable and I instantly reach up to put my arms around his big muscular neck as I rest my head against his chest and just take in how soft he feels against my cheek and how I miss that unmistakable smell. After cuddles Spirit is in the mood to play…….he figures out the brakes on William! He thinks it is great fun to put them on and take them off……he even takes me for a little ride in his stable! I cannot describe how he makes feel. I am so happy that salty water begins to leak from my eyes. Watching him makes the constant pain fade into the background. I don’t care about how ugly I am when people stare at Norman (the NJ). I don’t worry about what the future holds. None of that matters, because right here, right now I couldn’t wish to be anywhere better.

After all the excitement of Saturday……….I paid for it on Sunday! PAS punished me for having too much fun. Am I not allowed to sit out of bed almost all day? Am I not allowed to visit my little Spirit? I know that PAS hates it when I try to do too much. So, with a deep heavy sigh, me and Grace give in to a duvet day. Anyway, that’s normal right?? Like most people have duvet days on a Sunday…..that’s what they are for. Aren’t they? My friend visited in the morning with her most beautiful puppy called Rolo. That little caramel cup looked perfect on my bed. She recommended a series for me to watch called 10 puppies and me. So me and Grace get snuggled up and start with episode 1. Hours later……we have watched the whole series! I mean, how can you not feel happy when you are looking at beautiful, squidgy little puppies giving their poor, naïve humans the run around??


The little caramel cup: Rolo


Today has been another tough day with Reject Reflux deciding to revolt against my high dose of Omeprazole. Sending Gaviscon down helps to squash Reject Reflux to a manageable level. Nevertheless, Reject Reflux is back, like a really annoying, horrible boomerang. Parasite pain decides to join in too. What the hell……lets just have a PAS party! Only thing is…….there’s more of me to fight now……..16lbs more in fact!!


Plugging myself in


PAS may be punishing me for having the most super Saturday. But unlike all you rogues out there who say; “I’m never drinking again!” the morning after an alcoholically frivolous evening, I will do it again!! I know PAS will make me pay, but this is fighting PAS. Because everyday I am getting stronger (and fatter!) and why will I still have super scrummy days when I can? Because it’s totally worth it. Like you forget your hangovers and fill yourselves with unduly amounts of your favourite tipple…….I forget PAS and indulge into the pleasures of life. PAS is my hangover. But as long as I’ve got Grace to kick it and I’m sticking 2 fingers up, we will keep smiling. I have the most amazing friends and family and live in a country where I can receive treatment……..What’s not to smile about?? Life is for living!

There’s only one thing left to do…..Take a bow……..

8 thoughts on “Can’t help but smile……it’s all worth it.

  1. Stephanie Hutton

    What you write is such a great combination of hope and reality, your use of names for symptoms is such an effective idea, sending you best wishes…. and a few pounds of weight 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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