Ok so guys…….meet Norman the NJ!!!
Today got off to a tricky start after only 2 hours sleep, a lost drug chart resulting in me receiving my IV hydrocortisone 3 hours late sending me into the start of an Addisonian crisis, me and Grace were finally on our way to meet the new recruit! Still feeling the effects of the delayed hydro consisting of splitting headache, nausea, sweating , shaking, blood pressure of 75/48, joint pain and confusion ……me and Grace waited patiently outside theatre to go in. I thought I was feeling too dam ill to care about nerves…….how wrong was I??? As soon as I saw those lovely scrub dressed smiles to wheel me in (of course they’re smiling…..its Friday!)my whole body starts really trembling now and someone is trying to turn on those wussy warterworks!! The monitoring backs this up……..my heart is only jogging at the leisurely pace of 170 beats per minute!!!!!
So lets crack on……i gulp down the “banana” flavour throat spray (whoever thought that acidic pioson tasted like bananas I do not know!) And on goes the great contraption that keeps your mouth open. At this point I’m sure a few drops from those leaky waterworks slide out. They give me the whole syringe of sedative and draw up some more. I hear “Charlotte!!!! Charlotte!!! No charlotte”” and feel immense panic and discomfort. Then it all goes black………
“Hello Charlotte!” It’s mum and dad and I’m back in my room……..they really didn’t go easy on the sedative!!! Or me by the pain I’m in and the blood everywhere! Well, I came out of theatre at 12 and I’m still delicately dabbing tissue there now at 9.30pm! 3 of my teeth are also suspiciously painful……..i obviously needed enough sedative to knock out an elephant! I must admit I still feel a bit squiffy.
Now, Norman is slightly different to Terry………Norman is secured with a bridle. NO, not the beautiful leatherwork that I might use to put on Grace to go flying around leaving a beautiful trail of unicorn dust as we go. It’s a contraption that goes up one nostril and come out the other then fixes onto Norman…..a bit like a bull ring accept it goes to the back of my nasal cavity. This means…….if anything pulls on Norman…….its going to pull down on the back of my septum!!! So basically I really am Norman’s ‘old ball and chain’ 😂
So this afternoon me and grace went to x-ray to check Norman’s positioning and have pretty much slept! Despite feeling like I’ve had 50 rounds with Mike Tyson I have managed to force a gluten free gingerbread man and some jelly down my throat. I also made those unruly matchstick legs of mine walk to the toilet with a little help from Florence (the frame).
Now me and Grace are well and truly ready for the land of zzzzzz…………if only the delicate frail old lady across the corridor wasn’t capable of reaching 50,000 decibels every 30 seconds!
Oh PAS you may look like you have the upper hand right now…..but just you wait…….me, grace, Flo and new recruit Norman are coming to get you!!